Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
ABERGYNOLWYN, Wales — A hillside feature in Eryri National Park that locals have nicknamed “the Devil’s bumhole” turned out to be a shadow this week, joining a long list of Welsh mysteries solved by someone simply looking at them properly.
The mythical shadow hole of Mount Doom. (Anne-marie Cairney)
The ominous-looking depression, visible from Abergynolwyn in Gwynedd’s Dysynni Valley, sparked online debate after a photo circulated soliciting for explanations. In the resulting vacuum of information, theories ranged from abandoned slate mines to errant Ministry of Defence missiles to the Government’s mysteriously appearing £22 billion black hole, though economists noted that one requires geological formation and the other requires creative accounting. Economists quickly clarified that fiscal voids and geological voids operate under different principles, though both involve things disappearing that probably shouldn’t.
Local legend had maintained that the feature was blasted into the mountainside by a stray missile fired from an MoD test site down the Welsh coast. When reached for comment, an MoD spokesperson said achieving that level of precision with a stray missile would constitute their most impressive success in decades.
“Given the location on a hillside north of Abergynolwyn, the obvious explanation was an old slate mine,” one online commenter noted, demonstrating the kind of measured reasoning that immediately gets drowned out by more fun theories involving dragons and UFOs. The area does have a rich mining heritage, with Abergynolwyn built specifically for quarry workers. But the area’s biggest slate mine, Bryn Eglwys, is on the opposite side of the valley, making the hole either very lost or very independent. Or just a hole.
Others wondered if it might be the site of an old plane crash. There are crash sites in the vicinity, notably a Flying Fortress bomber that went down in 1945, reportedly full of presents for airmen’s families in the USA. All 20 crew and passengers were killed. But that crash site sits on the opposite side of the mountain range, near the summit of Craig Cwm Llwyd. The hole itself remained unconnected to any actual tragedy, which was honestly a relief since explaining that a shadow killed 20 people would have required some very creative journalism.
More imaginative theories emerged in tune with local mythology. Some proposed a dragon’s lair. Others suggested the door to Mordor, which could explain Welsh tourism’s recent uptick in hobbits. One commenter theorized it was “the Government’s £22bn black hole.” Parliamentary sources confirmed that while the £22 billion is definitely missing, it cannot be photographed from Dysynni Valley, no matter how good the light is.
The "real" and way more scary Mordor. (shadowofwar/fandom)
The reality turned out to be considerably less mythological. “It’s just the angle of the sun and subsequent shadow exaggerating the depth,” explained one man online, killing the magic instantly. Boo this man.
Below the ridge lies a wide depression, perhaps 100 meters across, through which a winter stream runs. It’s bounded by another ridge, creating a hillside bowl that traps light when the sun hits at the right angle. The “smoke” that appears to billow from the hole is just the movement of micro-shadows, which is simultaneously the most and least interesting explanation possible.
Mountain shadows, it turns out, can be deceptive, and in some cases, they are celebrated. The most famous is the Brenhines yr Wyddfa, or Queen of Snowdon shadow, on the flank of Derlwyn, which appears to show a woman in profile as if on a postage stamp. Presumably, she’s been waiting for the post office to approve her as official mail since the Ordovician period.
Another silhouetted shadow appears at the foot of Yr Wyddfa itself. Seen more rarely, this has been linked to the Tylwyth Teg, a child-snatching Welsh fairy associated with a nearby lake. More recently, observers have noted its jutting jaw and extravagant head of hair bear a resemblance to a certain U.S. president, though shadows cannot be sued for defamation and hair cannot technically be that orange.
The Dysynni Valley remains packed with prehistoric and Romano-British remains. Near the “hole in the mountain” lies Craig Ty’n-y-Cornel, a summit-top archaeological site where a small community lived for hundreds and possibly thousands of years, back when shadows were just shadows, and nobody had the internet to ruin wild ass theories with facts.
The feature is considered a monument of national importance, peering across the valley toward Craig yr Aderyn hillfort, also known as Bird Rock. Both sites have been standing longer than the concept of viral photos, and will presumably continue standing long after this particular shadow stops trending.
Tour operators in Abergynolwyn report no change in visitor interest despite the hole being downgraded from missile crater to lighting phenomenon. “People still want to see the Devil’s bumhole,” said one guide who declined to give his name. “The fact that it’s imaginary somehow makes it more Welsh.” He added that Wales has built its entire tourism industry on things that are technically not there, so why stop now?
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
