Turns out that this is an authentic Mayan vase, and it's priceless, meaning it didn't fetch a price because a woman did the "right thing" and just gave it away. (WQAD News 8/YouTube)
Disclaimer: While this article is full of found facts, our conscience wouldn’t be clear if we didn’t disclose that it also contains some priceless satire.
At a thrift store in Maryland, a woman bought a vase for $3.99 thinking it was an imitation of an ancient Maya object, but she later discovered that it was the real thing. So, how much did she sell it for and which collectibles show did she appear in? Well, disappointing news: she returned it to Mexican officials and walked away with a clear conscience but no bags of sweet cash.
“It was a great find, and I feel good about giving it back to Mexico,” said the woman, who is clearly in denial. “It’s a piece of history, and I’m glad it will be displayed in a museum.” Yeah, whatever.
After the purchase in a thrift shop – which likely smelled like all thrift stores, dusty and with an air of superiority – the woman traveled to Mexico for work and visited a museum while there, probably because she’s a big nerd. At the museum, she noticed ancient Maya objects that looked similar to hers. Instead of seeing dollar signs and hearing “ka-ching” noises, she spoke with a museum worker, who said she should contact the Mexican embassy back in the States.
All of this led to the handing over of the object to officials in a ceremony at the Cultural Institute of Mexico. Any potential dollar signs faded away, like so many ancient ruins.
“That vase looks pretty cool. Hey, if faded, dusty items are considered invaluable artifacts, then I have a treasure trove in my little apartment.”
– Attendee at the vase ceremony
“Maybe she was confused,” said a man who assessed the vase early on. “When I told her it was priceless, I meant that it would get a massive price from a buyer, not that there shouldn’t be any price attached to it for ‘ethical’ reasons. She should have done the normal, logical thing: get a big payday and appear on a collectibles TV show, which could then go viral and give her a social media platform. Then she could’ve used that to launch her own personal brand and sell other items using her fame. She must be kicking herself for missing out on such a lucrative, life-affirming opportunity.”
“Let me guess, she was trying to do the right thing and set an example for her children,” said the owner of a collectibles auction company. “Please. There are more important things in life than being able to sleep easily at night. You gotta keep grinding, getting that money, crushing the competition, in a never-ending loop that becomes more stressful and soul-crushing but leads to awesome shiny cars and clothes and jewelry. And then you can just take lots of drugs to help with sleeping at night. Done and done.”
