Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
So you consider yourself a drug connoisseur, eh? You’ve smoked some weed that would make Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg paranoid, ingested something at a rave that had you dancing into the following week. And aspirin? You’ve had even more than Donald Trump! But what kind of addict are you if you haven’t had any of the blue stuff cooked up by Walter White himself? That’s right, you, yes you, could be the proud owner of some of the actual blue meth from Breaking Bad.
This isn't real. It's rock candy doing METHod acting. (propstore.com)
First of all, shame on you, because drugs are bad! You should be able to get high on life, man! And as you saw if you watched BB (or Scarface or Requiem For A Dream, to name a few), it doesn’t usually work out super well for those selling or doing drugs. However, if you’ve got a hankering for collectibles, you can make a (fake) drug deal, as props from the award-winning AMC show, or as they state, “assorted bags of meth,” are up for sale via an online auction house.
And while you’d probably imagine that the contraband isn’t actual Albuquerque meth, it’s slightly disappointing and potentially delicious to find out what it actually was. Yes, that meth was crystallized rock candy that’s been dyed blue. If you have dreams of buying Heisenberg’s meth and eating it as a gag, that’s not going to work either, as the auction states that the faux meth isn’t fit for consumption.
The good news is that it seems like they have enough of it that you won’t have to go through an auction to get your non-drugs. The bad news is that if you want that stash, you’re going to have to pony up almost $1,995 plus shipping. We haven’t priced out meth, but the real stuff is probably cheaper (and way more deadly, not to mention illegal) than something once handled by Jesse Pinkman and Walter White.
Regardless, if you want to get your hands on some “small to medium-sized” baggies packed with fake blue meth, you can do so here. But don’t tell anyone we sent you. We knew a lawyer named Saul, just in case you got caught, but it seems like his past might have caught up with him as well. Either way, even if you shouldn’t eat or smoke it, your pricey purchase will come with a certificate of authenticity, so you’ll at least have bragging rights.
