Bram Teitelman

Multiple Michael Myers Mar Massachusetts

"Yeah baby," said one confused Austin Powers cosplayer, shortly before being stabbed to death.

Bram Teitelman

Human Skull Hunt on Easter Goes About as Well as (Un)Planned

Let’s just say eggs weren’t the only things dyed at this park.

Bram Teitelman

World’s Oldest Tortoise in Crypto Scam

His death was reported, but it was all part of a crypto shell game.

Bram Teitelman

Drug Dealer Hit by Flying Bag of Cocaine

There’s more than one way to take a hit.

Bram Teitelman

Kat Burglars Steal 12 Tons of Chocolate

The klepto choco bandits are still on the loose and may be armed and extremely delicious.

Bram Teitelman

New Seafood Trend: Pretending It’s Meat

Your next surf and turf might look more like a turf and turf.

Bram Teitelman

Bug Tussle, TX, Stops Making Street Signs After Multiple Thefts

Big Trouble in little Bug Tussle.

Bram Teitelman

Dumb Waiter Robot Won’t Stop Dancing

The future is here, and boy does it enjoy cutting a rug.

Bram Teitelman

News Report on Bear Attack Interrupted by Bear

She continued the story, proving she was no cub reporter.

Bram Teitelman

Sharks Muddy the Green Waters in the Chicago River

St. Patrick only gets a day, but sharks have a whole week.

Bram Teitelman

How Soon Is “Nah’; Morrissey Cancels Another Show

This time on account of other people having fun.

Bram Teitelman

Department of Defense Hungers for War, $7M of Lobster in $93B Spending Spree

The Pentagon sure seems like they’re being a bit shellfish.

Bram Teitelman