Nigel Farage Must Face a New Worst Enemy: Count Binface
British politics continues its relentless march toward becoming an episode of Black Mirror written by Monty Python.
Drew Curtis
Witch Doctor Lifts Curse on Harry Kane After Determining England’s Attack Doesn’t Need Additional Cursing
After extensive investigation, ancestors conclude, “Yeah, that’s just England”.
Drew Curtis
Witch Doctor Curses Harry Kane, Continuing Decades-Long Campaign To Affect World Cup Outcomes
As opposed to, you know, anything actually useful.
Drew Curtis
Scotland Drinks Boston Dry, England Fans Arrive To Find They’ve Inherited a Humanitarian Crisis
England arrives to discover the beer equivalent of a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Drew Curtis
German YouTuber Completes Third Consecutive Title for Capturing England’s Most Dangerous Cheese
Three straight wins later, the cheese may need dual citizenship.
Drew Curtis
Man Wins Lottery, Plows Winnings Into Building £288 Million Counterfeit Valium Empire
Retirement is for quitters.
Drew Curtis
Et Tu, North Star? Shakespeare Monologue Inexplicably To Be Launched Into Space
Because science is rational, and this is a great use of time and resources.
Gabe Herman
Fundraising Begins To Protect Britain’s Most Anatomically Confident Archaeological Asset
Saving the countryside, one giant public display of chalk affection at a time.
Drew Curtis
Hot Tub Crime Machine: Car Thieves Caught Wet-Handed
They almost made the perfect wetaway.
Bram Teitelman
British Town’s AI-Generated Christmas Murals Are Nightmare Fuel
Christmas cheer meets Flemish fever dream, and the results have too many joints.
Drew Curtis
English School Bans KPop Demon Hunters Songs Over Concerns That Kids Might Fight Demons or Something
Officials warn children could misinterpret demon lore, unlike totally straightforward Bible monsters.
Drew Curtis
Following Louvre Heist, Stonehenge Gets Anti-Theft Training in Case Anyone Tries To Steal 30-Tonne Rocks
Officials admit the stones are technically already stolen, having been relocated from Wales 5,000 years ago by unknown perpetrators.
Drew Curtis
Town’s Christmas Tree Returned to Supplier for Being Half-Dead
Cambridgeshire Christmas tree dies before December, joins long tradition of British holiday optimism being crushed by reality and terrible weather.
Drew Curtis
Mysterious ‘Predator’ Stalking Villagers Around Dartmoor Unmasked as Chonky Cat
Beast of Dartmoor identified as Garfield’s British cousin on an unhealthy diet of fish 'n' chips.
Drew Curtis
