New York Downgrades Eating Hudson River Fish From “Actively Dangerous” to “Just a Terrible Idea”
The fish are now only emotionally toxic. Bon appétit.
Drew Curtis
Kat Burglars Steal 12 Tons of Chocolate
The klepto choco bandits are still on the loose and may be armed and extremely delicious.
Bram Teitelman
Study Finds Ultra-Processed Foods Engineered Like Cigarettes To Maximize Addiction
University of Michigan study says blaming yourself for eating the whole bag ignores that the bag was specifically designed to make you eat the whole bag.
Drew Curtis
Mechahitler, Now Working for the FDA, Will Happily Tell You What Food To Put in Your Rectum
Your tax dollars at work, ranking bananas by load-bearing capacity.
Drew Curtis
RFK Jr. Unveils New Dietary Guidelines to Americans: Eat More Saturated Fats and Die Sooner
The new food pyramid: Built on protein, lobbyists, and vibes.
Drew Curtis
Sticky Season: Denny’s Launching Syrup-Filled Sneakers
Limited-edition Grand Slam-inspired Denny's sneakers are out for National Maple Syrup Day, but at $195, it's not that sweet of a deal.
Bram Teitelman
Pastor Says Church Secretly Helps Everyone, Just Not the People Who Ask for Help
Or anyone who tells anyone about it.
Drew Curtis
Tired of Seagulls? Try Yelling at Them
Science suggests screaming stops saucy starving seabirds.
Bram Teitelman
On Earth, It’s Called “Prison Food.” In Orbit, It’s “Omakase by Kraft Singles”
Proof that even in space, dads will still try to make sushi with hot dogs.
Drew Curtis
Kraft Heinz Splitting Up – A Timeline of Buffett’s “Biggest Mistake”
Turns out you can spread cheese too thin.
Drew Curtis
Residents Unharmed After Four Bears Crash Through Basement Door
Local man claims it’s the most visitors he’s had since 2019.
Drew Curtis
Century-Old Lobster Rolls Out After Years of Captivity
What's more delicious than a lobster? Well, for the elderly lobster, it was definitely the taste of sweet, sweet freedom.
Bram Teitelman
Costco Has Seen Butter Days After Recall
"Nobody better lay a finger on my butter" isn't a complete sentence, but Costco recalled 79,200 lbs. of the yellow gold recently for a relatively dumb reason.
Bram Teitelman
Rice and Easy: Woman Smashes Important Eating Record
Chopsticks were used to eat grains one at a time in a minute, faster than anyone ever. What have you done lately?
Gabe Herman
