CDC Map Shows States With Highest Explosive Poop Rates, Proving Noah Kahan’s Point
But if you're in New York, play bingo, and eat fresh produce, explosive diarrhea might be on your bingo card.
Bram Teitelman
Lebanon County Man Claims To Be God Following High-Speed Chase, Divine Intervention
God works in mysterious ways... this was not one of the good ones
Drew Curtis
Three Mile Island Reactor Restarting To Power AI
AI wanted more electricity, so we’re giving it the artisanal, vintage, meltdown-adjacent kind.
Drew Curtis
Police Confirm Baggie of Cocaine Found in Trick-Or-Treat Bucket
Meanwhile, the real mystery is which cousin’s ‘back pain’ just got worse.
Drew Curtis
Park Officials Baffled After Holiday Crowd Leaves Behind 130 lb Pig and 47 lbs of Potato Salad
Only one of those is getting adopted...
Drew Curtis
A Tip of the Hat, But Why? 17-Foot-Tall Hat Breaks World Record
“Hats off to this towering feat,” no one in the country said or even thought.
Gabe Herman
Wawa Fan Has Impressive Collection, Also Probably Diabetes
You may think you’re a fan of (mostly) Northeastern convenience store Wawa, but one megafan has got receipts, namely 1,000 order slips in numerical order. And while the store may still be his favorite, he’s currently seeking a new hobby.
Bram Teitelman
Wawa Fan Has Impressive Collection, Also Probably Diabetes
You may think you’re a fan of (mostly) Northeastern convenience store Wawa, but one megafan has receipts, namely 1,000 order slips in numerical order. And while the store may still be his favorite, he’s currently seeking a new hobby.
Bram Teitelman
Jesus Take The Meal; Restaurant Sues Patron Over $3k Tip
No good deed is going unpenalized after a $3,000 tip on a $13 check in Jesus’ name resulted in the restaurant suing the customer who initially left the tip, a new testament in bureaucracy.
Bram Teitelman
Emu Celebrates Independence Day by Escaping from a Farm in PA
An Emu has been captured after it escaped from a Bucks County farm on the Fourth of July. Was it fear of fireworks, fear of captivity, or the search for a fun night on the town that drove this fugitive to run?
Liz Days
Oh Cheeses! Italian Treats Removed After Month Atop Philly Pole
Meats and cheeses hung atop a greased pole in South Philly for a festival that drunks tried to climb, mistakenly languishing there for weeks and stinking worse than the end of the Eagles’ season. They were finally removed after a month of literally hanging around.
Bram Teitelman
Pennsylvania Resident Digs Up Brick of Cocaine While Doing Yardwork
Everyone dreams of discovering buried treasure in their backyard, but for one Pennsylvania resident, the treasure he’d pictured wasn’t the cocaine he found, and no one knows who might have hidden it there.
Liz Days
Take Me Out to the Meatball Game: The Newest Major League Ballpark Feasts
Major League Baseball concessions are reaching new culinary heights. Sacrifice Bundt cake, anyone?
Katie Compa
Abusement Park: Raccoon Assaults Guests in Line for Roller Coaster
This Kung Fu trash panda didn’t make its way to Hersheypark for the chocolate - it had a taste for human blood.
Bram Teitelman
