Gas Lines Are So Bad in Russia That Demand for Horses Has Spiked
Russia's transportation strategy now includes oats and emotional support carrots.
Drew Curtis
Russian TV Stops Spongebob From Making Russians Gay by Making His Rainbow Entirely Yellow
One small Photoshop edit for man, one giant leap for state-sponsored homophobia.
Drew Curtis
Russia Unveils Revolutionary “Horsepower Initiative” After Discovering Horses Already Run on Grass
Officials insist this transportation breakthrough is absolutely not a step backward.
Chloe Hokenson
Russia Unveils Revolutionary Stealth Fuel Tanker Technology: Painting the Word “Milk” on Trucks
Modern warfare enters its "Got Milk?" phase.
Drew Curtis
Putin’s Unstoppable Hypersonic Missile Performs Flawlessly, Strikes Russian Shopping Mall
Moscow's latest marvel reached its destination with all the confidence of a GPS set to "chaos."
Drew Curtis
Putin’s Quest To Become Immortal Involves Cryotherapy and Mini-Pigs
Just a normal government initiative involving frozen dictators and medically endangered charcuterie.
Drew Curtis
Russia Tells Banks To Provide Their Own Air Defenses
Somewhere in Moscow, a loan officer is being handed a missile launcher and a two-hour webinar.
Drew Curtis
Ukraine’s National Police Lists Seagal Alongside Kim Jong Un and Assad as Illegal Arms Recipient
Pro-Kremlin separatist warlord hands out Glocks to Kim Jong Un, Bashar al-Assad, and Steven Seagal, because the Marked for Death program has loosened its eligibility requirements considerably.
Drew Curtis
Moscow plans Victory Day Parade Without Vehicles Because Ukraine Destroyed Them All
Kremlin debuts new “invisible military” strategy, hopes no one notices.
Drew Curtis
Russia’s Supreme Court Adopts AI To Help Draft Rulings. Is Now Putting Glue on Pizza and Eating Rocks
In Russia, the algorithm is just another guy in the room nodding along.
Drew Curtis
Ukraine to Field 25,000 Military Ground Robots in 2026
Russia counters with new coal-powered reconnaissance horse.
Drew Curtis
Russian Court Rules Heterosexual Swinging Is Gay, Fines News Outlet 1 Million Rubles for Explaining It
Heterosexuals: now with 100% more accidental homosexuality, apparently.
Drew Curtis
Russia Claims The Moon as Sovereign Territory
Russia says it will carve out sovereign lunar territory by 2036, violating a treaty it signed in 1967, which still puts it ahead of the 1994 Budapest Memorandum speedrun by a comfortable margin.
Drew Curtis
Fish Sticks Are Funding Russia’s War on Ukraine. And You Should Feel Bad
The frozen food aisle has entered its Cold War era, and your air fryer is now complicit.
Drew Curtis
