Woman Sues Carnival Cruise for Serving Her 14 Shots of Tequila, Wins $300,000 Judgement
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Drew Curtis
Woman Sues Carnival Cruise for Serving Her 14 Shots of Tequila, Wins $300,000 Judgement
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Drew Curtis
Trump Deletes AI Jesus, Orders McDonald’s, Holds Press Conference With Doordash Driver About Trans Athletes
Drew Curtis
Toronto Detector Dog Moby Sniffs Out 88 Pounds of Raw Meat, the Second Such Haul in Three Weeks
Drew Curtis
McDonald’s CEO Blames His Own Mother For His Tiny Bites Eating Habit
Drew Curtis
Teen Receives Wrong Condiments From Chicken Shop, Commits Fowl Act
He got lost in the sauce.
Justin Cappa
No One Wants $7 Doritos
After two years, hundreds of warnings, and declining sales, Frito-Lay finally acknowledges the blazingly obvious problem
Drew Curtis
U.S. Shells Iran’s Pistachio Industry So California Can Corner the Global Nut Market
No euphemisms were deployed in this headline, not even the phrase “global nut market”.
Drew Curtis
New York Downgrades Eating Hudson River Fish From “Actively Dangerous” to “Just a Terrible Idea”
The fish are now only emotionally toxic. Bon appétit.
Drew Curtis
Kat Burglars Steal 12 Tons of Chocolate
The klepto choco bandits are still on the loose and may be armed and extremely delicious.
Bram Teitelman
Clumsy Delivery Robot Crashes Into Chicago Bus Stop
AI's intelligence may be a threat to humanity, but a few tweaks are still needed.
Gabe Herman
New Seafood Trend: Pretending It’s Meat
Your next surf and turf might look more like a turf and turf.
Bram Teitelman
Polymarket Opens a Bar in DC Where You Can Bet on Geopolitical Crises While Drinking
Where the house always wins, especially if the house has Pentagon WiFi.
Drew Curtis
Head of FEMA Disaster Response Says He Once Teleported to a Waffle House
But wait, there’s more...
Drew Curtis
Would You Like a Nice Cold Glass of Human Polyomavirus Lager?
A government scientist discovers one weird trick to bypass FDA approval. It's beer. The trick is beer.
Drew Curtis