Hugging Robbers Face The Long Arm of the Law
Authorities in Southern California are warning residents to be vigilant of strangers who want a hug.
Missy Baker
The Great Penny Caper: Man Arrested for Trying to Withdraw One Cent from Bank
They say crime doesn’t pay, but one man’s trip to the bank cost him a night in the pen.
Missy Baker
The Shoddy Guard: Secret Service Agent Robbed at Gunpoint
Out of Service: While in California, a member of President Biden’s Secret Service detail was robbed at gunpoint. The president needs to be protected, but who will protect the protectors?
Jonas Polsky
Sex Machina: Tokyo Launches Dating App and Japanese People are Getting Screwed
Mating App: Faced with a dwindling birth rate, Tokyo is launching an official dating app to encourage citizens to marry and have children. But how far are they willing to go?
Jonas Polsky
Crime Wave: Murdered Dolphin Has Detectives Fishing for Clues
Watery Grave: A dolphin was found shot to death in Louisiana. Police are on the case, but something about this dolphin murder smells fishy.
Jonas Polsky
The Crawling Dead: Fungus-Infected Cicadas Coming This Spring
Get ready for the Cicada-pocalypse! Cicadas, some possessed with a zombie-like fungus, will be emerging from under our feet this springtime in numbers not seen for generations.
Liz Days
Smoking Joints? Stolen Skeletons Being Ground Up to Make Drugs
Coffin up a Lung? Skeleton thefts have rattled local cemeteries after a drug made from ground-up human bones has gained popularity.
Jonas Polsky
Let Them Eat Steak: Stop Buying Groceries and Live Debt-Free
Sure, corporations charge outrageous food prices, but that’s because food is a luxury. Walking up the street with a cheeseburger and a glass of milk is the biggest FLEX modern society has. Nobody NEEDS to eat, that’s what makes buying food such a status symbol.
Jonas Polsky
Concealed Carry: Crafty Porch Pirate Secures the Bag
Major Bag Alert! This theft was a CINCH! The homeowner wasn’t too GLAD to see this bag make off with such a HEFTY package. Should this DUMPSTER of a person get tossed in the loony BIN, or spend some time in the CAN?
Jonas Polsky
Stop the Steal? Air Force One Picked Clean by Thieving Reporters
You’ll own nothing, and you will be UN-happy. After years of theft from Air Force One, the White House Correspondents’ Association issued a stern warning to reporters against theft. But will a glorified press release be enough to stop this aerial crime wave?
Jonas Polsky
Assault and Batteries: Robot Police Dog Has a Warranty for Your Arrest
Rage Against the Machine Learning? A robotic police dog was gunned down in the line of duty - should the public be upset about the forced disassembly of a mechanized dog, or is it just manufactured outrage?
Jonas Polsky
Gross Profits? Dairy Queen Employees Fed Ice Cream with Cleaning Solution
UH-OSHA! Staff at a Kentucky DQ were forced to eat ice cream with cleaning solution in it. Was it a violation of their human rights or good old fashioned teambuilding? No one can decide.
Jonas Polsky
Go Flux Yourself! Wendy’s Introduces Dynamic Price Increases Because They Can
Looking for a bargain? Too bad! The all new method of “variable pricing” will hike prices for food based on the time of day. Can’t afford the increased prices? You can have dinner at midnight or you can starve!
Jonas Polsky
Parts Unknown: Subway Riders Unfazed by Amputated Leg
Can I kick it? When an amputated leg was discovered on the New York City subway tracks, riders reacted with overwhelming indifference. The hacked up facts are all disconnected, and something that’s missing is afoot.
Jonas Polsky
